it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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