Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
