Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
