Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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