is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
