Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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