No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
