Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
