at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
