You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
