Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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