hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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