Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
