she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize