now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
