dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
