Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
