her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
