Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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