Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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