I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
