There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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