last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
