He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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