I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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