Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
