Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize