Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize