I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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