My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
there is glitter all over my balls
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