3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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