youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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