Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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