Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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