If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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