Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
