ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
