I want to walk on stilts...naked
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
