he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just want to make out with him forever
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
