I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
