He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize