I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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