he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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