his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
