we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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