Ambien. No doubt about it.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
