its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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