She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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