she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize