When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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