No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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