and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize