Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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