I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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