Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
