I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
