Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize