Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
how does that bad decision feel?
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