Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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