I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
