normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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