yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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