Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I want you more than these girls want KFC
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
