dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
