I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
