It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My vagina just recognized that song.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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