Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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