in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
