I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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