I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
