I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
