is your mom at the bar?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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