I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
