in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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