YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
