his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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