I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
