I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
